Living with Gray

laddereditedNo I’m not referring to Christian Grey for all you 50 Shades fans out there. I’m talking about gray. As in the uncertain, limbo, scary, gray.

For years I lived in black or white. Definitions. Things either were or they weren’t. I defined myself by as many definitions as I could to put myself into black or white. There was no in-between that felt comfortable, and if there was an in-between, I tried to find a “right” answer or a “right” solution to get out of the gray as soon as I could. Many of us live this way. We find definitions for everything.  We want so badly as a society to define dating, friendships, parenting, who we are. Well, what if you just let things flow? What if you allowed yourself to live in the gray? Scary, huh? That’s because as humans we are conditioned to know where we stand on the ladder of life. This is especially true when it comes to relationships. We want to know what rung of the ladder we are on. Are we dating? Kind of dating? Are we friends? Best friends? Sorta friends? kinda friends? Enemies? UGH! It can be exhausting trying to place ourselves and others in the “right” place.

But what if there is no “right” place? What if we just are?

Sometimes the Universe gives us people and situations to teach us to just be. Be in the gray. Be in the unknown. Be in the murky. We feel so connected to someone or something and it doesn’t seem to be progressing, but it doesn’t seem be going away either. We try to walk away (black), but the nagging on our heart strings stays. We then try to push the relationship or situation forward (white) because the heart tug must mean it’s meant to be, right? We try and try but it stays the same. Not progressing, but not going away. We do the dance all over again. Black, white, black, white. It’s exhausting, and puts us in a place far from happy. Sometimes we just need to accept that things are gray.  Just because there is no clear answer doesn’t mean that one won’t come, that things won’t change, or just maybe the answer is that the relationship or situation is here to make us comfortable living in the gray.

Ok Sara, I get it, but what is the point of being in this gray limbo?

Growth! Getting out of our comfort zone is the place in which growth happens. If we stay comfortable it creates stagnancy, and our contract as a soul on this planet is to grow. To progress forward and push ourselves through all those hurdles staring us in the face. One of the most important ways to grow is to be comfortable with the uncomfortable place of limbo. Knowing that you are not in control of everything in your life (Boo hiss) and accepting it. So many of us want to white knuckle ourselves to our life’s steering wheel. Is there free will? Yes, but there is also a greater force at work which desperately wants to connect with us and help us grow so we can get over our hurdles and have some peace in our lives. To do that you have to allow yourself to surrender to the process of being comfortable in the uncomfortable, and to the higher force that is guiding your beautiful life. It can be very scary, but I promise that living in the gray is liberating and grounding.

The next time you are faced with a decision try surrendering and allow the gray to dictate if it is more black or more white. The answer will come in the right and divine time.

Blessings and joy,



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